So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
