Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
