u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
