A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
