omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
