Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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