just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
