I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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