I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
