Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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