CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
