TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
