god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
