The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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