the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
