his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
