cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
