when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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