The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
