Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
