I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
