my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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