but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
