Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
