walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
