I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
