College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
