There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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