Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
