what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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