We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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