then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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