East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
