She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
