Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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