Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
