the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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