You're so nebulous sometimes
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
