her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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