Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
