The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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