I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
