carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You can't motorboat a personality
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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