He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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