he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
