I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
time to smoke my breakfast
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
