My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
