If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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