the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
