..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
