R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
