My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
