it was like eating out sand paper
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
