Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
