why didn't you poke me back
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
