he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
