The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
