your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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