this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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