I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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