The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's shark week go big or go home
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
