dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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