my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
