I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
