I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
