Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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