After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
