wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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