Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
