just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
