I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
