he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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