just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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